Confident Boundaries

Cold, unempathetic, not trauma informed, poor conflict resolution skills

I had sent this practitioner an email, worried that I couldn’t be anonymous. I had trouble with the site and was becoming familiar with it surface level. She thought it RED ALERT “threat” that I said if it were not anonymous I would cancel and leave a bad review if the platform left people exposed- which is self advocacy and perfectly reasonable- especially for someone with a trauma background. 1st email: “Hi- The website says after you choose your username and password etc. There is no prompt asking for us to create a username. I am very uncomfortable with using my real name in this space. I cannot be talking about my trauma, be using my real name- which puts me at incredible risk of stalking or outing. For an app about boundaries I find it concerning that you require users to use their real names including last name. Is there a way to actually create an anonymous username? If not, I find this practice of forcing people to use their real names a reason to not use this resource, and I would cancel my membership and ask for my money back, as well as leave a negative review on the app store that this service doxxes users. I hope that you can make it easier for people to remain anonymous, respect clients’ VALID safety concerns and personal boundaries. Thank you” Then I received an automated email stating my membership was revoked and I was refunded. She sent me an email saying she was going to refund and revoke my membership, but, as I know I am not the only person who accidentally misses an email, its not a high offense that I was upset when I had only seen an automated email and no response. So, here is my second email: “Hi- I am concerned that you immediately gave me a refund and did not respectfully engage with me regarding my legitimate privacy concerns. Do you have an issue with allowing clients to have their own boundaries? Are you unconcerned about potential stalking and/or doxxing of one client to a another especially concerning personal psychological histories? Boundaries are important for client safety. I am puzzled and offended that you have chosen this stonewalling behavior, which is actually what narcissists do to their victims. A therapist is supposed to respect boundaries, respect bodily autonomy and self identification, emotions recognized, and engage *empathetically* with clients. If this is how you choose to treat abused people with multiple levels of marginalization, you are choosing bias, judgement, and gatekeeping over therapeutic and professional conduct- which can and will cause harm to people already suffering. This approach of yours is common- therapists morally judging their potential clients for being different from the norm, and not respecting valid safety concerns and boundaries. You need to think long and hard about how you treat people- someone like me- if I was in crisis right now- I could very likely spiral into a deeper crisis being treated so dismissively by a mental health professional - where I hurt myself or end my life. Is this what you want on your conscience? Retraumatizing people and potentially being the last straw that broke the camel’s back- where someone dies? Is this something to be proud of?” Her response email, some of which is redacted for my privacy: “I want to address several points directly: This is not therapy. Members of the Confident Boundaries Membership are not clients. This is not therapy, nor has it ever been represented as therapy. As clearly stated in the Terms of Service, the membership is an educational, community, and coaching resource only and is not a substitute for therapy. Not for crisis support. The membership is not appropriate for anyone in crisis or seeking immediate mental health support. This is stated plainly in the Terms of Service. Anyone in crisis should contact emergency services or a licensed therapist in their area. Anonymous usernames are allowed. Members may use anonymous usernames. This is outlined in the Terms of Service and explained step by step in the Membership FAQ. To clarify: I have no objection to members raising questions about privacy. However, your message stating “If not, I find this practice of forcing people to use their real names a reason to not use this resource, and I would cancel my membership and ask for my money back, as well as leave a negative review on the app store that this service doxxes users” is not a request for clarification. It is a threat. Curiosity and clarification are welcome; threats are not. Additionally, comparisons of me to a narcissist or implications that this space retraumatizes or endangers members only confirm that this membership is not a good fit for you. Your payment has been refunded, and your membership has been permanently terminated. You are not eligible to rejoin any future Confident Boundaries programs or events. This decision is final. There will be no further correspondence. Sincerely,” Notice how she seems unconcerned with my emotional state, cannot understand why a traumatized person would believe only receiving an automated email would be hurtful and stonewalling, cannot concede any grace towards me for missing the email, does not acknowledge that a user of (what I now understand does not also provide one on one therapy or group therapy as well as community board) an app meant to help traumatized adults should have every right to write a negative review if anonymity weren’t a feature. It makes sense that I would leave a possible negative review if I couldn’t protect my privacy, and tell the app that I would so that they protect users. This entire interaction was incredibly upsetting, damaging, hurtful, confusing, and left me feeling (momentarily) like my instinct to protect myself and advocate for myself was a grievous sin. I think she is burnt out + needs more (has she had ANY?) trauma informed training….